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[personal profile] exohousewarming
Prompt number : 34
Title : A Good Day in One Hundred
Pairing : D.O./Kai
Rating : NC-17
Warning : (if any) self-harm, blood, underage drinking, depression, rimming, blindfolds, body worship, a liiiiiiitle bit of breathplay and foot fetish if you squint and hold it at a distance
Word count : 4,715
Summary: Kyungsoo convinced himself that cutting would help. The rush of adrenaline, the buzz that he got after cutting, it was enough to fill the empty space in his chest.
Author note : Fuck this ended up a bit more dark than I anticipated. But it’s still got some really sweet moments too T__T;; A bit different than OP requested, but I hope you still like it



Kyungsoo and Jongin got married because there wasn’t much else they were expected to do. Kyungsoo had dropped out of college, deciding that his part time stint at the daycare was more than enough for him. Jongin only had a high school education, but he had a full time job at a construction job. At 23 and 24, having dated for 5 years already, there wasn’t much else for Kyungsoo and Jongin to do but get married.

And it was nice, at first. Their relationship felt renewed, like it had more purpose, now that it was official under the eyes of the law.

They didn’t have much, but it was ok. They didn’t need much.

~~~

Kyungsoo and Jongin had met on the night of Kyungsoo's 19th birthday. Kyungsoo was celebrating with some of his new college friends, and they had brought Jongin along, a senior from their old high school. Kyungsoo didn't care, because by the time he noticed Jongin, he was five cups past drunk. And so, Kyungsoo doesn't remember meeting Jongin, but Jongin would never forget those pink lips, how Kyungsoo had hiccuped his way through six karaoke songs. Jongin left that night with Kyungsoo's number.

J: Hi Kyungsoo, this is Jongin.

K: Jongin...?

J: I'm Minseok's friend. I was at your birthday party last night.

K: Oh, right. Thanks for coming.

J: I had a lot of fun ^^ I hope to meet you again soon

K: Ok, Jongin. I'll see you around.

Kyungsoo was confused. He didn't remember who this "Jongin" was. He didn't remember most of the things from last night, other than he drank way more than necessary. Never again was he going to give Minseok free reigns on planning a party again. Kyungsoo groaned and cupped his mouth, heaving himself to the bathroom to throw up for the third time this morning.

Jongin was excited. He knew from first glance that Kyungsoo was just his type. Granted, the Kyungsoo he'd met was wasted and slurring his words, but Jongin still thought he was rather handsome. And Jongin knew he was pretty good looking on the eyes, if had to say so himself. It was just a matter of time before he could get Kyungsoo to fall for him.

And Kyungsoo did fall, pretty fast. In fact, after tripping on an uneven cobblestone, Kyungsoo had landed himself in a cast: a bone in his foot, broken. Now Kyungsoo had to hobble from building to building, giving sorry looks as he walked in late to every class. The only plus side was that on the weekends, when he hung out with his friends, that this "Jongin" kid did everything and more for Kyungsoo. He made sure Kyungsoo's pillows were fluffed, that his leg was properly elevated. He fetched things for Kyungsoo. And Kyungsoo thought it was sweet and that Jongin was a good kid.

Two months later, when Kyungsoo got his cast taken off, Jongin asked Kyungsoo to go out with him. Kyungsoo said “Yes” with a shy smile.

Being with Jongin was easy. Since Jongin was still in high school, Kyungsoo didn’t have to worry about being too distracted from his studies. But more than that, being with Jongin was easy because things were comfortable. Jongin was a break from all the stress that came with being a college student. Kyungsoo and Jongin spent a lot of their time in silence, simply enjoying each other’s company. And that was ok.

But things didn’t always go smoothly. A few months into dating, Jongin revealed to Kyungsoo that he wouldn’t be going to college.

“Why? You’re a good student. Don’t you want to get a good job? My uni has rolling admissions, so it’s not too late to apply.”

“There’s no point in me going to college and spending all that money. My dad’s friend said he’d hire me at his construction company. In the meantime I’ll go to a technical school so I can get certification.”

“But why would you settle with just being a construction worker? Why not go to school and then own a construction business?”

“Oh, come on Soo, you know me better than that,” Jongin said with a sad smile. “I’m good with my hands and not much else. I have no interest in managing people.”

“That’s just… so much wasted potential.”

“At least I’m not twiddling my thumbs deciding what to do.”

Kyungsoo scrunched his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

Jongin leaned back in his seat, arms crossed. “Well, you’re finishing up your first year and you still haven’t settled on a major, let alone a career path.”

Kyungsoo wanted to retort. To tell Jongin that he was wrong and that he knew what he was doing. He wasn’t in college to get a career; he was in college to find out what he liked and who he was.

And who was Kyungsoo? He was…

Someone who didn’t know who he was. What was he good at? What did he like? Why was he here? What was Kyungsoo’s point?

Kyungsoo didn’t like that Jongin interrupted his bliss. Yes, Kyungsoo didn’t have a choice career path in mind. Yes, he didn’t have something he exceeded exceptionally at. But it didn’t make Kyungsoo too upset, that is, until Jongin pointed out that he was so undirected to the point that he wasn’t really showing ambition.

So Kyungsoo broke up with Jongin, asked him to delete his number and to not acknowledge him if they passed each other on the street.

Slowly, Kyungsoo began to turn in on himself. He would turn down requests to hang out with friends, afraid he’d see Jongin there. The only reason he left his dorm was to get food and to go to class. And then he stopped going to class, ordered takeout that would come straight to his room.

He didn’t want to see anyone; he didn’t want to do anything. He didn’t want to be. Kyungsoo spent a good amount of his time either asleep, staring at the wall, or wondering how different the world would be if he didn’t exist.

J: Soo, can we talk?

J: No one’s heard from you in a while…

J: I really miss you.

J: I’m coming to visit you. I’ll be there at 5.

Out of all people, Kyungsoo didn’t really feel like seeing Jongin. Kyungsoo groaned and checked the time: eleven o’clock. That would be enough time to pick up his dirty clothes, gather the trash scattered around the room, shower. Kyungsoo didn’t feel like really doing any of these things, but he knew he really didn’t have an option. If he didn’t let Jongin in, he’d probably report him to Minseok or his RA and that would just make things complicated… and if he let Jongin in and it looked like a mess, then Kyungsoo would never hear the end of it. It was just better to clean up, let Jongin in, fake a smile, then make him leave saying that there’s an exam the next day or something.

Slowly, Kyungsoo picked up the things around his room, making sure that the room wasn’t too clean since that might be suspicious. Finally he got around to taking a shower, and decided that maybe a shave wouldn’t be too bad. Kyungsoo wasn’t one to get much facial hair, but when he didn’t pay too much attention, he’d get a hair here and there.

Kyungsoo put his hands on either side of his sink. He hadn’t looked at himself in the mirror in at least two weeks, easily. He wasn’t sure what he was going to see. When he finally made eye contact with himself, he wasn’t extremely pleased with himself. He’d lost weight in his face, his cheeks looking heavy and pulling down on his face instead of plump like they normally would. He also had dark circles that he’d probably have to explain by saying he’d pulled an all nighter to write a paper.

Sighing, Kyungsoo picked up his razor. It was an old fashioned thing, a gift from his father who liked old-timey things. It had just a single blade in it, one that Kyungsoo would switch out periodically when it got dull. He inspected it, squinting, to make sure it didn’t have any rust. There were little red spots on the edge, and Kyungsoo decided to switch out the blade, thinking he’d pass on the chance of catching tetanus. Kyungsoo rummaged through his toiletries, looking for the box that held his spare razors. Kyungsoo found it, picking one blade up, being careful to hold the protected side.

But he wasn’t careful enough; Kyungsoo managed to prickle his thumb. Out of surprise, Kyungsoo dropped the blade, a drop of blood coming out of the cut.

It was interesting, how easy it was to bleed.

Tentatively, Kyungsoo picked up his blade, bringing it up to his wrist. With a light pressure, he dragged it across his wrist, watching blood bubble up in the wake of the blade. Kyungsoo knew that if he pushed just a little bit harder that he could kill himself, end his misery.

Kyungsoo held his wrist over the sink watching his blood drip and splatter in the sink. It didn’t hurt as much as Kyungsoo thought it would. Kyungsoo inhaled deeply and opened the faucet, washing away the blood. He put some gauze on his wrist and wrapped it.

After finally shaving and cleaning up his sink, Kyungsoo changed into a long sleeved sweater. Something with sleeves he could pull down over his wrists.

It was only two when Kyungsoo finished cleaning up, so he decided to lie down and sleep until Jongin got there.

Kyungsoo woke up when he heard a loud rapping at his door. Groggily, he opened the door to see a worried Jongin.

“Soo,” he breathed.

“Hey Jongin,” Kyungsoo turned back into his room, leaving the door open for Jongin to follow.

“How have you been?”

“Busy. Tired.”

“I-I haven’t seen you around for a while, neither have Minseok and the others. We’re all worried.”

Kyungsoo sat on his bed, eyes looking out his window. “I’ve been busy.”

“Jongdae says he hasn’t seen you in class.”

“That professor doesn’t take attendance, I don’t have to be there.”

“Kyungsoo, look at me.” Kyungsoo looked at Jongin at the corner of his eye. “Properly.” Kyungsoo turned his head, gaze fixed fully on Jongin. “Please, talk to me, what’s going on?”

“I-I don’t want to talk about,” he said, voice barely above a whisper. His gaze dropped to the floor.

“Soo, I know, I know things didn’t end on a good note with us. But I want you to know I’ll always be here for you.” Jongin sat down next to Kyungsoo, his hand rubbing up and down Kyungsoo’s back.

“I think you should go, Jongin. I’ve got an exam tomorrow and I really need to study.”

Jongin sighed, “Alright, if that’s what you want.” Jongin rose from his seat, and Kyungsoo rose with him, following him to the door. Before leaving, Jongin turned back to Kyungsoo. “Please just don’t disappear on us like that again.” He reached over, probably to give Kyungsoo a hug, but Kyungsoo pulled back, clenching his wrist to his chest. Jongin’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Why are you..?” Jongin grabbed Kyungsoo’s wrist, Kyungsoo wincing and pulling out of his grasp. “Is your wrist ok? Let me see.”

“It’s nothing, Jongin. Now please leave.”

Kyungsoo could see the realization spread over Jongin’s face. “How long?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Jongin stepped back into the room and shut the door behind him. “How long?”

Kyungsoo backed away slowly stopping when he felt his bed hit the back of his legs, “Jongin. We’re not involved anymore. Please, just go.”

“Kyungsoo this isn’t a game. How long have you been hurting yourself?” Jongin asked, voice deep with demand.

Kyungsoo slowly sat down on the bed, pulling his legs up and curling himself into a ball. “Today was the first day.”

“Kyungsoo.” Jongin got on the bed next to Kyungsoo, hand held out. Cautiously Kyungsoo held out his wrist, Jongin carefully sliding his sleeve back to reveal his bandaging. “I’m so sorry. I should’ve–I should’ve been here.”

“It’s not your fault. I did this to myself.”

“I’m so sorry, Kyungsoo. You deserve more than this. We’ll get through this. Together.” Jongin pressed a kiss onto Kyungsoo’s wrist and then on the top of Kyungsoo’s head.

And they did get through it, together. Jongin made sure Kyungsoo ate, made him make appointments with the school counselor, texted and checked in on him constantly.

And sure enough, little by little, Kyungsoo got better. The semester ended and summer break started. Kyungsoo and Jongin decided to move in together, despite the protest of Kyungsoo’s parents who thought his and Jongin’s relationship was moving too fast. Though Kyungsoo would say they were even angrier when he told them he was dropping out of school.

During the summer, Kyungsoo started working at a daycare center. It was simple, didn’t pay much. But it made him happy. Kyungsoo learned that he didn’t need a lot, that he could be satisfied with what he had. He had Jongin, his part time job, and the one bedroom apartment that they called home.

Years later, Kyungsoo and Jongin got married. They were happy. It was enough.

Until, it wasn’t enough.

~~~

It was summer, meaning Jongin was away from home a lot. Warm weather meant more job opportunities, more daylight, and more people using their tax returns to fix things up in their houses. So when Kyungsoo wasn’t at work (which wasn’t much considering he only worked 25 hours a week) he spent a lot of time at home, alone. Lots of time on Instagram, on Facebook. Looking at friends get promotions, have kids, travel.

They were all things Kyungsoo once considered doing. But his and Jongin’s wages were, humble, he would tell others if they were so inclined to ask. Kyungsoo knew that when he dropped out of college and settled into his life with Jongin that he was giving up a lot of things. But Kyungsoo had learned that he didn’t need those things to be happy.

But in his time alone, Kyungsoo really felt that he wasn’t happy. Reason and logic couldn’t overcome the overwhelming emptiness he felt inside.

On the day after Kyungsoo and Jongin’s one-year wedding anniversary, he began cutting himself again. Jongin had an important job to get to early in the morning, so they’d had to cut their celebration short.

Kyungsoo cried that morning.

Knowing Jongin would notice if he wore long sleeves in the middle of the summer, Kyungsoo decided to instead cut the sides of his feet. Unlike Jongin who thought socks were the work of the devil and would only wear them when necessary, Kyungsoo loved wearing socks and would basically only have bear feet when in the shower.

Kyungsoo convinced himself that cutting would help. The rush of adrenaline, the buzz that he got after cutting, it was enough to fill the empty space in his chest.

One Saturday night, Jongin and Kyungsoo had decided to stay in (like they did most weekends Jongin was actually home) but tonight was different. Jongin had rented a movie and picked up pizza from a nicer place and some ice cream.

Kyungsoo and Jongin were now snuggled up on the couch, Kyungsoo leaning into Jongin’s side as they ate ice cream from the same bowl. It was nice, it was cozy. It was nights like this that Kyungsoo really appreciated Jongin’s side, that he had someone that would be there at the end of the day.

The movie they were watching was some recent blockbuster: lots of explosions, lots of sex, low on actual plot. There was one extended scene when the main characters were sharing a rather intimate moment. The main lead pushed her lover down on the bed, taking charge as she ate him out.

Needless to say, the heated moment obviously affected Jongin. After years of bedding him, Kyungsoo knew there was nothing that he enjoyed more than ass play. Kyungsoo was honestly surprised that there was a scene this graphic in the movie, but then he remembered that this more revealing scene was what made the movie popular in the first place.

More importantly, Kyungsoo could feel Jongin getting hard behind him. Smirking, Kyungsoo shifted in his seat, pressing up against Jongin.

“Soo…”

“Yes, Jongin?” Kyungsoo turned his head, eyes wide and innocent, though he had to fight the smirk that wanted to come out. Jongin looked down at him, eyes hooded.

“Let’s go to bed.”

“I’m not tired.” Kyungsoo blinked twice. Jongin’s face quickly went from seductive to a pout. “Oh, alright, I guess since you got the good pizza today, I can give you a treat too.” Kyungsoo got off the couch with a groan and turned back to extend a hand to Jongin. Jongin smiled, giddy, and took Kyungsoo’s hand.

“It’s been a while since we’ve… yanno,” Jongin made a hand gesture.

“It’s not like lube goes bad quickly anyway.” Kyungsoo opened the door to their bedroom and flicked on the light switch. Their bed wasn’t made, but that wouldn’t matter. Kyungsoo stripped off the comforter and laid down a couple of towels. It made for easier cleaning.

When he turned his attention back to Jongin, he was already stripped down to his underwear, smile still wide. Having a labor intensive job meant that Jongin had a rather… defined physique. Kyungsoo was happy he didn’t have to be shy around Jongin, not even hiding the fact that he was checking out Jongin’s body. He was definitely more filled out than when he was in high school. Kyungsoo stepped forward and placed his hands on Jongin’s biceps, enjoying the feel of Jongin tensing up underneath him.

“Since it’s been a while, let’s play a little game?” Kyungsoo exhaled over Jongin’s chest, smirking when Jongin’s nipples contracted in response.

Jongin shrugged, “sure.”

Kyungsoo picked up Jongin’s shirt from the floor and rolled it up. “Bend down a bit.” Jongin turned around and then squatted down to Kyungsoo’s height, knowing what Kyungsoo wanted to do. Kyungsoo tied the shirt around Jongin’s eyes, blinding him. Kyungsoo was happy Jongin couldn’t see how his fingers were shaking as he tied the knot. Being intimate normally meant being naked, and Kyungsoo was afraid of Jongin seeing the scars that marred the sides of his feet.

With a guiding hand he led Jongin to their bed, letting him sit while Kyungsoo stripped out of everything except for his socks. “Get on all fours,” Kyungsoo ordered. Jongin scooted farther back on the bed and turned around, his ass in front of Kyungsoo. “Wait here.” Kyungsoo padded into the bathroom, grabbing a wetting a rag with hot water. When get got back Jongin had leaned back, sitting on his heels. “I didn’t say you could move.”
Swiftly Jongin got back into position, his ass raised high. “Sorry,” he chirped. Kyungsoo took his time cleaning Jongin up, smiling as Jongin squirmed underneath his touch. He loved how well Jongin listened. It was the same as it was back when they first started dating.

Kyungsoo put a hand on each of Jongin’s butt cheeks, spreading them. He leaned in, blowing on Jongin’s opening. Jongin clenched in anticipation. Kyungsoo licked over Jongin’s hole, and pressed a kiss to it.

Kyungsoo continued to ravish Jongin with his tongue, Jongin squirming and letting out heavy breaths. This was the way that Kyungsoo liked seeing Jongin, pliant and pushing against him, asking for more.

Kyungsoo tapped Jongin on the hip, signaling that he wanted Jongin to flip over. Jongin rolled over on his back and Kyungsoo climbed up on the bed, swinging a leg over Jongin so the he was straddling him, their cocks lined up.

“Kyungsoo, I want to see you.” Jongin reached up to pull off his blindfold.

“No,” Kyungsoo grabbed his wrists and leaned down, pressing kisses to Jongin’s neck, searching for Jongin’s sensitive spots.

“I need to see you, Kyungsoo.” Pulling his wrists out of Kyungsoo’s grip (Jongin was stronger than Kyungsoo, after all), Jongin removed the shirt from his eyes and looked up at Kyungsoo, eyebrows slightly scrunched in confusion, but his eyes were so, so in love. “You’re so beautiful, Soo.”

Kyungsoo knew he was blushing, a red spreading over his chest, up his neck and to his ears.

“So beautiful,” Jongin pushed up against Kyungsoo, grinding their cocks together. “I’m so happy that you’re mine.” Jongin put his hands on Kyungsoo’s hips to hold him down, Kyungsoo putting one hand on Jongin’s chest, the other on Jongin’s neck applying a slight pressure.

“I love you so much,” Jongin said through restrained breaths.

With a slight cry, Jongin released, his cum squirting on his chest, a splash landing on Kyungsoo’s lower abdomen as well. Using his elbows as leverage, Jongin pushed up, getting into a sitting position so that he was face to face with Kyungsoo. He reached a hand in between them, pumping Kyungsoo’s cock.

Kyungsoo leaned forward, pulling Jongin into a sort of hug and hooking his chin over Jongin’s shoulder. Jongin quickened his pace, Kyungsoo bucking into his hand. Kyungsoo could feel it coming, a tightness in his lower abdomen, and tingle rushing up through his chest. With a light gasp, Kyungsoo spilled into Jongin’s hand, Jongin continuing to stroke Kyungsoo as he climaxed.

When both of their breathings slowed, Kyungsoo pulled away from Jongin, gazing at him lovingly. Jongin broke out into a smile, and Kyungsoo wondered how he managed to find someone that was so in love with him. It didn’t take much for him to start giggling, and they began to laugh playfully.

“We should do this more often,” Jongin said, leaning forward so their foreheads were touching.

“We’ve just been busy. I miss you.”

“I miss you, too.”

Jongin lifted his hands to Kyungsoo’s face, cupping his jaw. He pulled Kyungsoo’s face to his, pressing a kiss on his lips. It was sweet, slow.

It had been a while, Kyungsoo realized, not since they’d had sex, but since they’d even kissed. Kyungsoo’d always loved kissing Jongin, wasting their time just cuddling and making out like they had when they were younger. Kyungsoo draped his arms around Jongin’s shoulders, moving languidly with the kiss. Kissing Jongin always made him feel warm inside, made his toes curl.

Jongin was the one to break the kiss, Kyungsoo slightly pouting, wanting to kiss Jongin for a bit longer.

“So since when have you liked wearing socks while we make love?”

Kyungsoo glanced down, “Oh, right. My feet were cold?”

Jongin cocked an eyebrow. There’s no way you were cold while we were doing that. My body still feels like it’s on fire. Or, is this a new kink, perhaps?” Jongin said with a teasing smile.

Kyungsoo could feel his ears go red, “Oh, no, not a kink. I just didn’t think to take ‘em off.”

Jongin breathed a laugh, “it’s ok if you wanna try out new stuff. I mean, I like it when you tongue my ass and choke me. It can’t be as bad as that.” Jongin let his hands slide down Kyungsoo’s body, stopping when he got to Kyungsoo’s feet, tugging at one of his socks.

Kyungsoo stilled instantly. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Jongin.”

“Let’s have a little more fun, Soo. I’ve always wanted to try sucking on your toes.”

“Stop, Jongin,” Kyungsoo’s voice was firm and he put a hand on Jongin’s wrist. “I’m actually kind of tired. I don’t want to anything more.” Kyungsoo lifted himself off of Jongin’s lap, swinging his leg over the edge of the bed and standing up, facing away from Jongin.

“Did I do something to upset you?” Kyungsoo couldn’t see Jongin’s face, but he knew Jongin probably looked worried, the feeling was dripping in his voice.

“No,” Kyungsoo wrapped his arms around himself, shoulders tense. “I’m going to take a shower. Alone, please.”

Kyungsoo walked into the bathroom, turning on the shower so it could heat up and peeling off his socks.

Kyungsoo hated what he did to himself.

Kyungsoo carefully peeled off the bandages on the sides of his feet. He looked the scars the lined his feet, some cuts with fresh scabs on them. Cutting was something he’d eventually become addicted to. He wanted to stop, he wish he’d never started. He wished he didn’t have to hide from Jongin. Kyungsoo looked at his wrist, the scar from when he’d first cut himself almost faded away completely. Jongin had surprised Kyungsoo with some scar ointment years ago, something he knew was expensive. Kyungsoo knew Jongin would be so sad to see the state Kyungsoo was in now. He took a deep breath and got into the shower.
Kyungsoo was in the middle of shampooing his hair when he heard Jongin’s voice.

“Soo, can we talk?”

“I’m almost done, Jongin.”

“I’m not sure this can wait. I’m really worried.”

“Five minutes.”

“No,” and with that, Jongin pulled the shower curtain back, Kyungsoo staring at him with wide eyes.

“Jongin. I don’t appreciate this.” Kyungsoo continued to massage his hair, hoping to keep Jongin’s attention on the top part of his body. If Kyungsoo got too jittery, it would make Jongin even more suspicious.

“Kyungsoo you can’t cut me out like this.”

“I’m not doing anything, I just wasn’t in the mood anymore.” Kyungsoo closed his eyes and stepped into the stream of water, rinsing his hair off. “Now can you shut the curtain? It’s cold.”

Jongin didn’t respond.

“Jongin?” Kyungsoo ran a hand over his face, making sure no soap would get into his eyes. When he opened them, he noticed Jongin was looking down at his feet. Shit. “Jongin,” Kyungsoo repeated, more urgent.

“Soo… what happened to your feet?”

Kyungsoo shifted the weight off his feet. “Nothing happened.” He snapped his fingers, “eyes up here, Jongin.”

Jongin’s head snapped up, eyes angry. Without a word he pulled Kyungsoo out of the shower, not bothering to turn it off. He tugged Kyungsoo over to the bed, forcing him to sit on it. Jongin knelt in front of Kyungsoo, inspecting his feet.

“It’s really not as bad as it looks, just a couple of scratches,” Kyungsoo tried to explain, voice small.

Jongin looked up at Kyungsoo, and Kyungsoo didn’t think he’d ever seen Jongin look so sad.

“How long?”

It felt like déjà vu, Kyungsoo was reminded of that one day, years ago. Kyungsoo had only tried it once back then, how would Jongin feel if he knew how much worse it was this time?

“How long?!” Jongin repeated, louder, snapping Kyungsoo out of his trance.

“A–a few months.”

“Months? Oh, Soo.” Tears brimmed over Jongin’s eyes, streaming down his face. “Why didn’t you talk to me? I’m so sorry.” Jongin placed small kisses over the scars on Kyungsoo’s foot, careful not to push down too hard. “Why didn’t you come to me?”

“I–I,” words failed Kyungsoo. His head was swimming with emotion. Guilt, for making Jongin feel bad, hatred, for doing this to himself, but at the core, Kyungsoo just felt sad. He never wanted this.

Jongin rose, and sat next to Kyungsoo, pulling him into a hug. “I’m here for you, Kyungsoo, whatever you need.”

Kyungsoo curled into Jongin’s chest, body shaking with sobs. Kyungsoo couldn’t voice his concerns quite yet, but he knew he would be able to eventually. Beyond everything, if there was one thing that Kyungsoo knew, it was that Jongin loved him more than anything else.

Later that night, when Kyungsoo’s tears stilled, Kyungsoo and Jongin lay on their bed, looking at the ceiling. Some years ago Kyungsoo had gotten some glow in the dark plastic stars and stuck them up there. During the nights when he couldn’t sleep, he’d often look up at the ceiling, imagining it was the real night sky.

Their hands were intertwined between them, Jongin giving Kyungsoo a reassuring squeeze. No, things weren’t perfect. Kyungsoo had flaws, and so did Jongin. But together, they would get through it. They would have hundreds of happy days before them.

Date: 2016-09-17 10:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] hoyayayaya.livejournal.com
oh my. that really tugged at my heartstrings. i hated jongin at first - the words he told kyungsoo when they broke up but he redeemed himself towards the middle and the end. he's just really trying his best to be understanding and to be there for kyungsoo. and your kyungsoo. oh gosh. the way you wrote about his depression. how it just creeps into him. i really feel for him :(

thank you for writing this story. i love how hopeful it sounded at the last paragraph :')

Date: 2016-09-18 06:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ddoublejjong.livejournal.com
This story really got me feeling a lot of emotions gosh. Kyungsoo's character is something very relatable because at some point of time, we would all feel that whatever we thought was enough just isn't enough anymore and because we got thrown into the realisation so abruptly, we don't know how to react to it.

I really liked how you got Jongin to say the exact same line a few years later. It impacted me really greatly. That particular scene and your ending paragraph both got me really overwhelmed and choked up on my emotions. A great job done author!!

Date: 2016-09-19 12:22 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jonginspuppy.livejournal.com
wow i can feel the emotion from this fic...
it happens all the time when you think it's just not enough tho there is someone who really loves you
i'm glad jongin decided to always be there for kyungsoo <33

Date: 2016-09-20 03:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nightescapade.livejournal.com
WHOA......

you know authornim, the story might be triggering and disturbing, but i like it :)))
i honestly question my taste, bc most of the time i have this craving (do i have to call it craving?) to read dark themes, depression, suicidal attempts. and this fest is a domestic fest, so reading something like this got me ooh-ing and wow-ing, bc it's a nice twist! i get it why ksoo became like that. i can feel his loneliness and yearning for someone to fill up the empty space, the empty silence, and he found out that cutting himself would help him. i also get why jongin said those hurtful words to ksoo... all relationships aren't perfect anyway.. but i'm glad they still find each other til the end and get married!!! huhuhuhu /sobbing/

when i thought everything is okay, ksoo started cutting again and this time, he cuts his feet O.O i also thought there would be infidelity but things make them busy that they sometimes don't have time with each other....again, hello loneliness to ksoo :(((( hello cutting.... but gosh jongin is still so fucking sweet!!! i can feel his deep love for kyungsoo the reason why i love this story so much!!! despite all they've been through, jongin still has feelings with ksoo...at least he proved to ksoo that no matter what, despite their flaws, he will stay and i'm tearing up....

this is a good story. you showed that not all relationships are perfect....that each one of us has flaws, and that despite of the difficult circumstances, there would always be someone, something we cling to for hope...this story is so realistic so huuuuugs authornim!!!!!! i really do appreciate stories like this...with flawed characters...that makes kaisoo very human....and thank you that despite of it all, kaisoo's home is still around each other's arms...

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Edited Date: 2016-09-20 03:20 am (UTC)

Date: 2016-09-21 03:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chensubs.livejournal.com
u know what???? self harm au is my cup of tea!!!! i cried 3 times reading this story, first when kaisoo broke up, second when ksoo got his first cut, n the last one when ksoo cut himsel cuz jongin left in the early morning in their 1st wedding anniv i am so weak like so so so weak for self harm au n i love this story so much everything is pain in my ass

Date: 2016-09-23 04:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dkyngsoo.livejournal.com
Reading this hurt my heart so much but it hurt me good. I cried a couple of times because of Kyungsoo's insecurities. I love that you focused on their feelings, their relationship. Their argument when they broke up was so realistic and relatable. And I could tell that neither of them meant to hurt each other, but Kyungsoo's own issues with himself, his uncertainty, made everything worse and feel so much more. I also loved how when he cut himself, it wasn't intentional, but that it made an impact on him, that later in life, when he was feeling trapped, even though he has a good life, he still feels incomplete, like he never healed at all. And maybe he doesn't. Even with the love he has, even with Jongin, he isn't fine... and it really breaks my heart because Jongin loves him so much, but Kyungsoo doesn't love himself enough. I know a lot of people live like this, having a humble life, or even everything they need, but they don't still feel whole. I wonder if Kyungsoo ever will, or if he will always be asking 'what if'.... it's sad that he seems to have regrets about the path he chose. It's not surprising, we all wonder about it, which is probably why we never feel satisfied, always wanting for more, always comparing ourselves to others, or the us that could have been...

This is such a great fic. It's simple, but has so much depth. Thank you for writing it! I really enjoyed reading it :)

Date: 2016-10-02 05:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] b1nitexomelody.livejournal.com
The first time reading self injury themed ... i kinda like it...
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